Working with the Amish on an Artificial Insemination Ranch (1/3)

The last thing I saw was the face of the smiling woman. And as I blacked out my brain seemed to fizz and crackle like the Terminator, experiencing a power outage – and, finally - out.
The first thing I saw was a long, scary-looking beard. I don’t know how long I had been out for. Probably just a few seconds. But I found myself sprawled out across the sofa - with an Amish man looking down at me. His eyes, too, were scary-looking but when he saw me wake up and move, began to smile and look positively cheerful. Where was I? Who was this man staring down at me? Why did he have such a scary-looking beard?
With more fizzing and crackling I suddenly came to and within a short while was fully conscious although bleary-eyed and overcome with sleep. Had the man with the scary-looking beard given me a potion (I don’t mean like spiking drinks in night clubs or parties. I mean, just for a second, he could have been a leprechaun or something).
‘Are you alright?’ the woman asked.
I suddenly remembered where I was. I was in America.
‘I’m fine thanks’ but I couldn’t remember who the woman was.
‘It must be the jetlag’ she smiled
‘Jetlag’ – I suddenly remembered. I was in Ohio. This was the wife of the man I was going to work for on his artificial insemination ranch.
‘ I’m fine thanks, Jackie. It was nothing, Jackie.’ I must have repeated her name about half a dozen times over the next couple of minutes in order to indicate to her that I knew who she was, that I knew who I was – and that I wasn’t mad.
Yes, I was in Ohio. In one of the Amish parts of Ohio (about an hour or so from Columbus). The only time the Amish had ever come into my life was when I watched the film Witness. But I had only been a teenager then and was far more interested in the main actress than anything else because she takes her shirt off in one of the scenes. Until Jackie explained to me who the man with the scary-looking beard was, I had no idea that I was going to be working in a part of America where the Amish lived (Ohio, not Pennsylvania, has the largest Amish population in the country, I was later to find out).
The next day was like walking onto a Hollywood movie set for Witness: there were Amish everywhere; barefoot Amish children with books, walking along the road; Amish women chatting together in groups; and, Amish buggies being pulled by fast trotting horses. In fact this was only the third day of my first visit to America. And since I had spent yesterday travelling from New York to here, via the city of Columbus, and since I had spent the first day travelling in a plane from Ireland to New York, so you could say this was my first proper day in America – and what a sight before me.